Saturday, February 16, 2013

Familiar Patterns

I haven’t really sat down and written anything for almost a week, and I’m a little ashamed. This is a familiar pattern for me; I make a decision about how I’m going to change my life and I start giving it 100% right away. From the 4th to the 10th I spent over 18 hours writing. From the 11th to today (the 16th) I spent 1 hour and 5 minutes writing.
I burn out on things super quickly. I know this, my husband knows this. I think I just want immediate results. I want something to come from my hard work right away, even if it’s something small, just so that I can look at it and know that there's a reason to keep going. I think that's why I can hold down jobs I hate without too many issues, the almighty paycheck keeps it in perspective (and I’m going to be honest with you, I fricken love money).
I think that I really had a good thing going with my writing from the 4th through the 10th, there weren’t any real speed bumps and I was motivating myself by keeping track of the time I spent writing and ‘paying’ myself for it. But then it was almost Valentines day and I really wanted to spend time with my husband, and I really wanted to finish watching the last season of House with him. Then my husband (in his good natured do-anything-for-my-wife way) threw a wrench in my motivation system.
But I was serious when I started this blog, and I seriously want to keep writing even though there will always be things to distract me. Because someday I want to write for a living. And that day isn’t going to just magically happen if I don’t work for it (unlike most things in my life thus far admittedly). If I am going to be perfectly honest with myself though, it was really guilt that got me here. My husband told me he looks forward to reading my blog (and has showed appreciation for my other writing in the past). The absolute last thing I want to do is disappoint my husband.
So, motivated by love, passion and (mostly) guilt I continue on. Even if no one reads this besides my adoring husband. I don’t care. Even if I never write for a living. I don’t care. At least I can say I tried.

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